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thoughts on a wednesday night

please take into consideration that this post does not have structure (or proper grammar, punctuation, or capitalization). they are just thoughts. i just caught myself saying “i think that i think too much” but i don’t think that it’s necessarily a bad thing. i just happen to reflect quite a lot – about random things, at random times. 

a few minutes ago i began thinking about my accomplishments. to be more clear, the things in my academic and professional career that i have recognized as accomplishments. for the last couple of years these accomplishments have been very closely connected, in my head, to my skin color. for some reason, being brown has made the things i have done all the more rewarding and have concocted a sense of pride in who i am as an individual. 

but should they be? am i making myself even more of an other in doing so? i really wish that we were at a place where accomplishments and excellence were part of the history of all our peoples. but that isn’t the case. many young people go a vast majority of their education without seeing an individual or individuals with a similar skin tone as them. how can i relate to a white man when i am a brown girl? how can you tell me that i can be like them when it seems that i have nothing in common with them at all. and of course it can direct a conversation into the whole area of “we are all humans and that is what matters” and while that is true, i know i personally couldn’t accept others until i had accepted myself. 

plain and simple, my accomplishments are not accomplishments. they are simply pieces of my life story. striving for excellence is the norm. i doubt dolores huerta feels herself about every award she’s gotten, it’s just her life – a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do. 


About Evie

an enigma. except not. why would i ever want to be a puzzle when i can be a clear picture?


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